incipit vita nova

Oliver the Kitten Acrobat

Meredith's kitten Oliver is super cute.  He tries to play with everything and everybody.  He is a really great climber and leaper - better than any other cat I've ever had.  Meredith took these pictures and it's a nice little snapshot of my life too - look at the bookshelf!

 In the second picture, the collage-like artboard is actually the Playhouse Pictures Christmas card from 1956 or some such year.  I'd had it for years before Amid Amidi told me it was the actual studio Christmas card.

Richard Nixon is faced out because Oliver was VERY interested in him, as in chewing.

Promo Idea for Authors and Publishers

I got a drop shipment of WWW: Wake by Rob Sawyer for my reading delectation the other day.

Me have idea now.  Me think that it would be a great idea if authors and publishers offered free Kindle (or iPad) downloads of books for promotional purposes.  Once upon a time in the deep, dark past, I used to receive cartloads of free books in the mail.  I used to mail out books for promotional purposes for other authors with a publisher that I was working for.  Me think Kindle downloads would be easy and good.  Books are already offered for free downloads for promotional purposes to Kindle readers by Amazon/their publishers.  This is my free promotional concept of the day.  I'll say I would eagerly read Rob's book on my Christmas Kindle.  But in its hardcover version, I might not read it . . . 

Tim Tams: The Mobwars Cookie

I'm not an active Mobwars player any longer, but when I did play, the Aussie mobs were always the best.  Like: best in killing, best backup, best in fighting. They used to joke about sending each other "Tim Tams" for confirmed kills or really great punches.

What were Tim Tams?  I wasn't about to ask, but somebody else did.  They were chocolate biscuits with chocolate filling, coated in chocolate.

All these Aussies were crazy about Tim Tams.

It's just a cookie, I thought.  Why would they be so much better than Oreos?  Those are chocolate, some of them have chocolate filling, and some are even fudge-covered now.  You can buy ones dipped in nice chocolate at Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory.

This past weekend, I was shopping at a large affordably-priced department store, and there on the cookie shelf (an aisle where I'd never go) was a package of Tim Tams.  They looked really good, and while they weren't cheap, I bought them.  

ZOMG!  Tim Tams: the best.  Buy now.

Google Works . . .

Isn't that adorable?  I wonder how they squished them to stay there like that.

I've seen a lot of people do posts about the search terms that brought people to their blog. Sometimes it's funny, and usually these posts focus on how ironic or weird the search terms are.

Other times, it's educational.  I learned today that lots of people spell "chihuahua" as "chiwawa."  

So . . . this is just random off the list right now - and they're in reverse (time) order.  Yes, I skipped "boring" terms - i.e. spelled correctly, making sense, etc.

• dangd animals in rain forst
• horror clowns
• naked clowns
• Paris Hilton's chiwawas
• octomom breasts
• my life as liz wikipecia
• "women men dont see" (I was the top search result for this, but now there's a feminist overview and it definitely should be #1)
• old woman with silicones
• rare hot farmville animals
• hot vampires
• hott vampires
• interview with vampire louis
• pretty pictures of naked female butts
• being a lier pome
• exotic animals with hair

I'm serious, this is in the past 8 hours.  OMG - I just remembered - my Farm!!!  Better go harvest . . . Who would ever look for naked clowns?  (By the way, that's directed at the naked calendar post I did, because there is a naked clown calendar).

I Live In A Different World

I immersed myself in the science fiction "world" for so long that I forgot where I came from.  I was drawn back to this by a series of experiences the past few days -- first, reading Lea Honorine Dray's Facebook bio in English and French and realizing that while her family may have steeped her in SF - I did it to my self.

Lea also wrote about her photography not necessarily reflecting the sort of pictures that were truly her, and also writing for others, not herself.

Well, that's not where I'm at, but I think that, as important a literature as the main body of what was thought of as "written science fiction" is, the playing field has changed, and those who were involved in the previous efforts (sci fi of the 70's, 80's and somewhat into the 90's) just do not "see" what a tremendous change it has been.  They have no comprehension that the traditional field of print, adult sci fi that gained a certain foothold during those decades, is now stuck in a tiny, depressing market corner, while everything else in the "real world" is actually literal sci fi, to the point that a luddite sci fi book would probably be about the biggest "real" sci fi book written these days.  In other words, a book that posed a world where technology was scorned or disused, that portrayed those who used tech as evil and warlike and bad, and where the "good" characters and ideas were those of the pre-tech or post-tech world that eschewed high technology and focused instead on traditional values of honor, love, integrity, community and friendship.

Like, uh, this movie Avatar, whose plot is a duplicate of Disney's Pocahontas.  No one is arguing that the film isn't sci fi.  

We've entered into a world where an example of how science fiction changed the world isn't the written word as previously practiced or slammed (i.e. Stranger in a Strange Land, Starship Troopers, even 2001: A Space Odyssey), it really is the charming paean to Star Trek's real-world influence as in "How William Shatner Changed the World."

The sci fi world is one in which I can scour the sci-fi reader and fan message boards and find little to no mention of Suzanne Collins' highly-successful (and wonderfully-written) young adult science fiction books, The Hunger Games and its sequels.  It's one where an author can buzz by the Book View Cafe blog where I cross-posted my somewhat misinterpreted The Voice That Killed Sci Fi as We Knew It and tell me that Neil Stephenson's Anathem was #1 on the NYT bestseller list (so was Suzanne Collins, for a lot longer) and that my favorite young adult book to malign, Little Brother by Cory Doctorow, sold (not shipped!) SOLD 90,000 copies in hardcover.  Yeah, well The Hunger Games sold a lot more than that, and the best it got in Locus was a short review along with several other books.  As to Suzanne Collins, her name just kept appearing in lists related to other publications' bestseller or recommended book lists.  As to another NY Times bestseller, this time in fantasy, the Wicked series by Nancy Holder and Debbie Viguie, I found no review, and no recent mentions (i.e. no mention of its bestselling status).  Oh, you know those fantasy books by gals, written for young girls . . .

We all stopped talking about Locus and its problem a very long, long, long time ago.  But what I'm pointing at isn't Locus' ludicrous bias and Mr. Ed blinders.  It's the blinders that went over the whole shebang at least ten, and probably more like 15 years ago.  I'm a fair person and an honest one, and I'll say right now, it isn't the screaming nerdvoice that killed sci fi, it's the gutting of all of the good editors and publishing houses that were active in the print science fiction genre over the years.  It's the fact that the peculiar literary values of in-genre sci fi were never in accordance with the general fictional values of basically everything else that's written and published.  Everything that was so "special"?  That's what makes it so difficult for those "special" points of view to achieve widespread readership and success.  See, The Hunger Games isn't "original".  It poses a future that's unlikely to come to pass (Uh, like, uh Canticle for Leibowitz, like those books whose years have passed, like 2001 and 1984, etc.), and the storyline is very reminiscent of such film classics as Deathrace 2000.  All the things that sci fi wonks would make fun of if they DID read the book, such as it poses a "Deathrace" type of conflict for its heroine Katniss (a girl, that's one big ol sci fi strike right there - now if it had been a boy named W1nSt0n . . . there I go whaling on Cory again and guess what, it's not his fault!), and the "society" isn't portrayed in enormous, loving, wordbuilding detail with lots of invented words, etc . . . Well, you know, it would probably get the same description from sci fi wonks (who did NOT do so because this one went by them like an Airbus on its way from Paris to Geneva) as the favorite Atheist criticism of The Bible: "it's a poorly-written piece of fiction."  

Here are some factoids I've picked up over the years.  First, in reviewing a 2007 graduate marketing thesis on the effect of Amazon.com reader reviews on book sales (holy !~!#@@~! - looking to find it again, I found my own damn blog and it wasn't even mentioning this Stanford study), the authors chose to use the cutoff mark for Amazon "bestseller" as 250 reviews.  This, they said, reliably translated into a book that had sold at least 100,000 to 150,000 real-world copies.  The point of the marketing study was to find any discernable sales effect on books at this sales and ranking level.  They looked at books like The Davinci Code and various nonfiction bestsellers at the time.  The study did determine that, no matter what type of book, a "bad" review (1 or 2 stars, negative comments) DID serve to slightly depress sales, but that the "bad" review could be countered and the sales depression counteracted by a "good" review being posted after, or above, the "bad" review on the online shopper's screen.  This study referred to the "old" Amazon system, of which Harriet Klausner reigned supreme - not the new, different "helpful/unhelpful" system, that also includes comments and discussions.

Be that as it may, any book that has more than 250 reviews is a big book.  It has lots of readers and it's one mark of genuine success and audience and sales.  And also, by the same token, there is a much higher reader-to-comment ratio for in-genre science fiction and fantasy books, or at least there is a potential for it.  Science fiction/fantasy readers are online much more often than "other" readers.  They are voluble and enjoy commenting, good and bad.  Therefore, a science fiction and fantasy book that had 250 reviews might have sold somewhat fewer "real world" copies than another type of fiction book.

So, let's have a look at some recent titles I've read.  The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold would never be called a "horror" novel, but it does tell the story of a young girl who is dead, and her growth and change in her own personal heaven, looking down on her family and their lives after dies.  It has been out a long time, but is still very much in print (with the filmed version in current release).  It has 2,932 reviews.  Well, ya know, that's not a REAL horror novel - REAL horror is DEAD and nobody can sell it . . . (OK look, it's a first-person narrative of a little girl that was raped and murdered by a serial killer neighbor and her own personal heaven - no, it's not "terrifying" but there are sure suspenseful moments.  You know what?  Lots of "horror" novels aren't "terrifying" either; lots of classic horror stories are about families and interactions and tragedy and inescapable loss . . .)  I guess those "in genre" horror editors who wouldn't even look at a psychological horror story or an afterlife-based story over the past ten years made the right choices, didn't they?  I mean, who'd think anybody would read a first-person dead girl story?  Nah, nobody, I mean give me a break.

And let's see, here's The Hunger Games vs. Little Brother (which I seriously read in its "free" online version and yes, this free version was not so enjoyable to me and therefore I did not purchase the book).  Hunger Games: 768 reviews - Little Brother: 147 reviews.  Now, 147 reviews IS a substantial number.  For what it was, this was a successful book - in the "inside" group of genre readers and their teens.  Teens like the kids my daughter met at BayCon a few years ago, who'd been raised at conventions - teens who were like Lea Honorine Dray said they were, with their household filled with science fiction and fantasy books, magazines, comics, etc. . .  I have two students who did buy the book, but who said they didn't finish it.  Most telling of all, Amazon always notes that the people who bought Book X also bought 4-5 other books that it helpfully features on the sales page.  So, the people who bought The Hunger Games also bought the other two books in the series, and three other young adult science fiction/fantasy/paranormal titles.  The people who bought Little Brother bought Makers and Down & Out in the Magic Kingdom by Cory Doctorow, two poetry books by Elizabeth Alexander, the "children's classic" (not) Collected Stories by Tobias Wolff, and No Place to Hide, by Robert O'Harrow, a 2006 nonfiction book examining privacy and individual rights issues in a post-911 world. People who bought that book bought a ton of others related to "privacy" rights and data confidentiality, etc. 

This is of interest to the people who voted for "Melancholy Elephants," by Spider Robinson for a 1983 Best Short Story Hugo (yes, it won).  And I really can't put what I'm saying more clearly than that.  It's one thing to make a movie about a lovable nerd.  It's another to think that what interests the UNLOVABLE nerd is something everyone will like.  If you don't "get" what I'm saying, read this prescient tale and note from where its conflict derives.  Then tell me why that's "better" than the other nominees that year (just in short story - there were some really great monster classics in the other categories that year, both nominees and winners - as in GOOD for real) -

"Sur" by Ursula K. Le Guin (The New Yorker 2/11/82. revised in The Compass Rose)

"Melancholy Elephants" by Spider Robinson (Analog 6/82)

"Spider Rose" by Bruce Sterling (F&SF 8/82)

"The Boy Who Waterskied to Forever" by James Tiptree, Jr.(F&SF 10/82)

"Ike at the Mike" by Howard Waldrop (Omni 6/82)

Smash the Rotating Mr. Alligator or Somniloquy

Somniloquy is the technical term for a sleep disorder that involves talking in one's sleep while utterly unaware.

Talking as in, Mike told me that once he woke up and I sat bolt upright in bed and announced "Smash the Rotating Mr. Alligator!" and then immediately laid back down and "went back to sleep."  I was of course asleep the whole time.  I can't say who Mr. Alligator was or why he should be smashed.

So, a London couple has achieved Internet fame by the wife Karen recording her husband Adam's ridiculous nighttime utterings.

Her blog features such gems as "Snail fiddling is not an occupation I'd be proud of" and "My badger's going to unleash hell on your ass!  Badgertastic!"  

Somehow I think I might have said something similar at some point . . . I am told usually I mutter incomprehensible, untranslatable things.  However, there's always "Smash the rotating Mr. Alligator!"

Oliver & Hiking

Oliver is getting to be a much bigger kitty.  He's still a kitten though, and after torturing Taz, took up this position in my ladies' lounge (bathroom).

Ahhh.  Sooo comfy.

This past Saturday, I took Meredith on a deathmarch (hike) to one of my old favorite spots, Lion Canyon trail near the Sespe wilderness in the Los Padres National Forest (southern portion, back of Ventura/Ojai).  These great series of hiking spots are accessed off the 33 going northeast of Ojai past Matilija Creek.

Here is Sespe Creek by the Lower Lion campground.  This campground was somewhat occupied despite the cold weather, with a couple of young guys, a couple and another friend, and a mature version of Chris McCandless (though a "rubber" tramp version).

My faulty memory combined this campground's pit toilet (not at all bad, plenty of TP) with the actual bathroom with running water found at Oak Flat, which is actually on the Piedra Blanca trail, not far away . . .

The stream was clear and running rapidly, but very easy to cross.

At the start of the trail looking east across the Sespe wilderness, the sky was extremely clear and a gorgeous blue.  Excellent visibility and the air was very crisp and fresh.  I don't remember the white stones outlining the trail (which was definitely less-traveled the farther we went, though a large group of kids on horses came off the trail just as we got started).

Another backcountry shot on the way back.  This is looking southwest toward Nordhoff ridge (facing back on the trail).  The scenery, with stream in the distance, is the sort where I saw the mountain lion on a hike several years ago - i.e., it was "shadowing me" on the other side of where the first stand of trees appear.  Between is the stream, recessed in a small gorge.

Here is one of the small seasonal waterfalls to be seen along Hwy 33 on the way from the Ranger station to Rose Valley road.  I was unable to locate the boy scout spring that I am pretty sure is also around somewhere on the route (Meredith driving).   

I sure love this backcountry.  As I told Meredith, this section of the Los Padres National Forest is next to the giant Sespe Wilderness.  33 miles of the Sespe is now a wild and scenic river (and I think Matilija Creek, which would be really awesome, because it is so gorgeous).  This large area, being wilderness (also including the nearby Dick Smith Wilderness, also awesome) is closed to non-wilderness activities, such as motorized vehicles, off-roading, ATV's, and let's hope - gangs of beer-guzzling tourists with supersoakers (as seen at the foot of Yosemite Falls - no lie - beyond appalling).

It's wild enough back there that even the short jaunt that I took Meredith on led us well away from the campground and modern noises and sights into the genuine wilderness.

No lions this time though - maybe next time.

Don't be lazy - click and learn about this precious and huge treasure of nature right here in California. - I learned that Sespe Creek is the last undammed (i.e. - no dam) river in Southern California.  As someone who grew up near the formerly awesome Santa Ana River (no lie) pre-flood control, or at least, pre-extreme flood control and diversion, I remember this great river.  It was truly huge at flood-height, spanning almost the entire valley where I grew up.  The large flood basin, as well as entire residential developments, like "East Highlands Ranch," shows what a mighty river this was before human diversion and use.

Anyway, the Sespe is usually crossable and is a creek.  And it's the last one.  Nice, huh?  What they did to the Owens River Valley - that's not progress.  It's a crime.

Alas, Hollywood

I think Hollywood entered a darker place than its usual unoriginal, risk-averse acreativity sometime around the time the recession hit.  Because movies take time to be made, as I type, there could be great, original films being made right now.  These films could come out six, eight, ten - twelve months from now.

But I wouldn't bet on it.  Upcoming in our theaters are the remake of the early 80's "classic" (not) Clash of the Titans, a "new" Gladiatorish Spartacus, since it's been so long since the original Gladiator came out and the '300' audience is still out there waiting for fresh blood, Shrek: The Final Chapter (no, really?), Toy Story 3,  and The Wolfman (again - way steampunky).

And why should they bother?  Reviewers for major publications like Newsweek think The Book of Eli is original -- that it says something "profound".  This reviewer obviously missed all three Mad Max movies, such 70's classics as Zardoz, Planet of the Apes, and The Omega Man (later remade as I am Legend -- oh wait, was that a book?  Do you suppose it was a book first, and THEN a movie?  Wow - could that . . .) and was obviously never exposed to A Canticle for Leibowitz (1959).  Reflecting on the important aspects of human culture that were mourned in some of these classic films (let's put aside Canticle for now - I heard that Mr. Miller knew something about Catholicism and history) - it seems to me that first, there was single-malt scotch and cigars (Charlton Heston in Omega Man), and then, the Statue of Liberty, and after that, the Wizard of Oz - as in "Zardoz." 

The reviewer probably missed pre-apocalyptic warning films like George Romero's original black and white Night of the Living Dead, where it was clearly implied that some human-caused nuclear-related disaster raised all the brain-eating zombies out of the cemeteries and sent them after the living.  The message was clear:  humanity's evil was coming out in the form of the zombies - i.e. a living death.  That was when zombies were scary, and not in stories with Jane Austen characters.

Don't get me wrong: Denzel Washington can do no wrong.  Any film with Denzel is a good film, and The Book of Eli is made good by Denzel.  The best thing about the movie is the extremely simple and true message at the end, when Eli tells his young protege Solara the message he learned from the book he's been carrying around for 30 years (a certain sort of Bible, a sort that I had guessed 10 minutes into the film, and it turned out - I was right!).  I'm going to say that this truthful, simple message does lift The Book of Eli above - because it's true.  

However, despite its truthful Christian message and Denzel Washington who is always awesome, The Book of Eli isn't a very good movie, and isn't even a little bit original.  It's original in the sense that it's a Hollywood movie that includes substantial amounts of the Bible, but it's also one that will have Denzel quote from the New American Revised Standard Version, yet be "preserving" the King James Version - "Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil.  Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me . . ." (KJV). It's also kind of mixed-up, because if people were being made sick by being cannibals, over 30 years, they would definitely have died if their victims' flesh was that poisoned by radiation.  There's no earthly reason why, after 30 years, there would be towns that wouldn't be at LEAST as good as Bartertown in Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome.  If it were still so horrifically radioactive that nothing grew and there was hardly any potable water after 30 years, WTF was Denzel doing walking across that for 30 years with only some scarred skin as negative effects?  If he was so . . . (ok ok . . . let's just say it's pretty random and not too well thought-out).  

Actually, if you like Denzel Washington, you will probably like The Book of Eli. 

It's really not this film and the dumb reviews of it that show that the reviewers aren't even film, much less book-literate.  It's more like the Repo-Men trailer - a little Larry Niven, a little Phil Dick, a few 80s Arnold flicks, and a lot of dumth.  That's got hot Jude Law and tres-cool probably-villainous Liev Schrieber and I'm not eager to see it.  Most especially, it's the African-American casted remake of Death at a Funeral (2007):  identical dialog, same house, same coffin, a slightly younger pasty white guy naked on the roof, and yes - the same midget.  Somehow, it's just not funny to see Chris Rock and Martin Lawrence looking at the indiscreet midget blackmail pictures - and have them SHOW them in the trailer.  Somehow, it's the least-funny trailer I recall seeing in a long, long time.  Who thought this was a good idea?  Who??  How??  

You know the Fail Blog expose of Avatar as Disney's Pocahontas?  What if Avatar is the most original movie that came out recently, and will come out this year?  I could be right, and that could be the most epic fail of all.  Even if the critics are this retarded, eventually audiences are going to say, "Wait a minute - didn't I see that before, and wasn't it better - the first time?"

They Were Different Back in 1954

Once upon a time not so long ago, I read a book for teens that opened with a 15-year old girl returning home after school to discover her mother having sex with her boyfriend.  Let me clarify that pronoun:  the heroine caught her OWN teenaged boyfriend having sex with her mother.  Like, after school.  Then, she ran away.  This is 2010.

Not such a very long time ago, stories for kids and teens were very, very different.

Lupe Fernandez of the Pen & Ink children's writing blog found an amazing list of rules of "How to Write for Boys and Girls" from 1954.

In 1954, this guy was the big baseball hero, and there was no such thing as performance-enhancing drugs.  Babe Ruth's slightly different form of substance abuse was a close, familiar memory (he drank plenty, and ate more - impacting his play not at all).  

I'm going to quote a few sections here:

"Always portray the military, politicians and religious figures in a positive way. Remember, these responsible authority figures keep Americans safe against atheists, beatniks and Communists."

How to portray young protagonists:  

"Boy characters should have healthy, manly hobbies like playing baseball, collecting bubble gum cards, and outdoor camping. Girls should like sewing, cooking and talking with other girls about liking clothes and boys. Activities that keep boys inside like reading, writing or thinking are not suitable role models for young men. Those are girl activities. On the other hand, too much physical exercise by girl characters would be unrealistic and your reader would lose interest. If your story has a Tomboy, make sure she is not a major character. Make the Tomboy a supporting character who longs to act like a real girl."

Dress and appearance:  

"Dress your characters in appropriate clothing. Boys: short sleeve shirts (only puny boys who spend too much time reading in their rooms wear long sleeve shirts), loose, comfortable pants with pockets and Keds sneakers with tied laces.

Girls: ankle-length skirts (absolute no pants), Mary Jane shoes (only girls with loose morals wear high heels unless attending special occasions like a funeral or a wedding), hair tied in a pony tail or neatly trimmed."

How to handle PDA:

"Never show a boy and a girl holding hands unless accompanied by an adult or riding in a hay wagon with other boys and girls."

If they're old enough to date:

"Never have a girl romanced by a foreigner, especially greasers, scratch-backs, potatoes, pachucos, fruitpickers, or braceros."

By this point, flabbergasted, I began to think, "This can't be real."  However, I know from the musical "Grease" that they did call guys greasers.  Bracero and pachuco, I know were actual terms used at the time and not necessarily full-on racial slurs (though obviously used so by whatever pus-filled nutsack of a racist, sexist lunatic wrote this mess).  Fruit pickers sort of makes sense, I guess, thinking along the lines of the moron who wrote these tips, as most people who picked fruit at least around Southern California were primarily Latino men, and often migrant workers.  I'm guessing "potatoes" has to mean "Irish" people, although in 1954, how "Gangs of New York" and Rocky Sullivan (James Cagney) from "Angels With Dirty Faces" got in there, I don't know.

OMG.  OMG.  According to the Urban Dictionary, a "scratch-back" is . . . "A person of Mexican descent, who was so morbidly obese they could neither hop the border or make the swim. So they were forced to dig under the fence and scratched their back in the process."  OMG.  Oh.  This is . . .  really amazing.  And today, "potato" is a derogatory name for any white people in Asian countries - ha ha!

Random Awful Internet Art

I was thinking about how many stories I've done that came from completely random bits of unrelated information or earworms ("Jonny Punkinhead," the Well-Come poem). There's clearly a found-object quality to that which I write; this doesn't sit well with plot, character or theme purists.  But with the amount of Russian and Jewish blood in me?  It cannot help but be random and fatalistic, I think.

So, merely searching for the term "random" on Google Images, one finds a treasure trove of anonymous internet art.  This is of a similar exceptional quality to the Museum of Bad Art, Paul's outstanding archival collection of Thrift Store Art, and the homespun efforts preserved by artist Bill Davenport. 

Now, this gentle, romantic paean to the feminine mystique came from Photobucket.  Owner obscure, creator, seemingly unknown.  Views:  that would have been me.

If it weren't pixels, I would frame it and put it right next to the real Thrift Store classics.

This being what it is, of course -- and it's the same guy that thought that the police drawing was ominous street art -- is featured on Boing-Boing where talent-impoverished "hipsters" are putting Japanese characters into faded paint-by-number thrift store paintings.  Now, this stuff is  all over Etsy.  I kind of like Etsy.  I mean I want to like Etsy, but it's a long way from a crocheted Oscar to a . . . um . . . this princelike Japanese rolling nerd ball.

Oh, god.

Why can't I focus???

I've got three more.  Here they are in order: 

• 
• 

Pretty unreal, huh?  They all seem to say something.  Just what it is - not sure.