incipit vita nova

Phishing Fail . . .

Received this a.m. from my trusted partners at Banok of America.

Your Bank of America ATM & Account Informations

Dear Valued Customer 

We recently noticed some changes in your bank account informations. How ever, we like you to log into your account to confirm the change. By so doing this, normal transactions will continue within your accounts.

To confirm this change in your account informations, you are required to click on the link below and follow the instructions given:- 

Confirm Your Bank Of America Account Informations (this is the link:  http://www.thkrtk.com/images/rpg/18726basdd812asd912301-081yejsdasd9a87sd6asdhasd8721hdas8dq0qjdasuhda7sd68a9sdas0dasdasd123124124/bankofamerica.com/CustomersFollowUp/Archive/webhelp/images/usersettings/)
ATM Card number must be 16 digits, no dashes or spaces. 

This is done to process and ensure your account security from unauthorised transactions. It is all about your security. 

Thank you.

 

---

Bank of America, N.A. Member FDIC. Equal Housing Lender 
© 2009 Bank of America Corporation. All rights reserved

Star Trek: Priceline Negotiator

Tomorrow I'm going to do a rundown of some "special" trends I've observed in Star Trek book covers.  The Star Trek book cover is its own form of art.  There are no others like them.  One sees amazing things, as this million-book series has undergone its historical changes and evolution to the present day.

However, for one's viewing delectation:  Priceline Negotiator - the Khaaannnnn! Edition.

Yes, it's my "work".

Baby's On Fire: Woman of the 80's

Mike apparently exposed Meredith to some weird Russian mannequin video ala Herbie Hancock "Rockit."  Well, the thing is - the cover of my first collection is "Babies On Fire," which is a painting I did when I was 20 or so, and which was shown in several Los Angeles area galleries, as well as my Scripps Senior Show.  I was under whatever big black 80's sun I was at the time.  It was about Vietnam, the same as the abortion I never had never was.  The abortion everybody thought I had because of this painting and poems I wrote at the time.

The painting was also inspired by this Brian Eno achievement of a lifetime:

As we say in the trade, f-ing unreal, huh?  Yeah, I had that look and that hair.

Baby's on Fire  . . . and her temperature is rising.  Look at her burning  . . .

Pretty hot, huh?  It's charcoal on gesso with acrylic from Novacolor, and they're still around.  The original is 6' x 5' and in storage.  Yeah, you read that right - feet, not inches.

Space Chimps on Dope

I feel this picture should be large, because I just finished watching Space Chimps (2008), and it is my humble opinion that this has to be one of the great stoner movies of all time, possibly even greater than . . . hold on . . . watching the Wizard of Oz stoned while listening to "Dark Side of the Moon."

This is a picture of just one of the alien characters from the film, "Kilowatt," voiced by Kristin Chenoweth (here, very like, uh, happy and mellow).  The aliens also include animated gummi baren, giant 3-eyed snails and Shrek-like green and purple "meanie" aliens.  I'm putting the ultra-cute chimps aside, and choosing to overlook the fact that their little chimpy hands and feet were outside of their spacesuits the whole time.  After a trip down the rabbit hole wormhole, our chimp heroes meet up with all these freaky characters in freakostat land.  If the corny jokes, puns and general chimpitude won't get you giggling, then it's time to hop in your VW Love Van and drive down to the 7-11 at 15 MPH for some munchies.  Peace out.

Snape Painting, Snape Doll, Snapestravaganza

In class a few weeks ago, we saw this very unusual Snape doll made by an artist on Deviant Art.  The doll reminds me of the animated figures on a computer game I had a long time ago based on the works of Edgar Allan Poe.

Don't believe me?  Here's a screen shot from the game, which was called "The Dark Eye."

That's the little "Dark Eye" character, which is supposed to be a early Victorian female - as I'm sure you can tell.  Look at the walls!  This was one of the creepiest, most absorbing games ever.

But enough of that.  For some reason, with two book outlines due and all this other stuff I have to do, I came home tonight full of the burning desire to paint Snape.  I don't know if it's because the "Snaper Doll" picture I have draws Snape-itors, or if I couldn't get that picture of the doll out of my head.  However, Snape is very painterly.  His face is a joy to paint.  And I would never make something that looked like that doll.  I may have all types of brain damage and be a very idiosyncratic painter, but I don't do "doll."  And that Wacom tablet - man.  I miss the smell and feel of paint, but I don't miss having to wait for layers to dry, or fighting with the angle of a watercolor board, or buckling edges of Arches paper.

Yes, I just inserted his regular background back in - too bad.  Here's your Snape for the day.  Nor did I feel a need to paint his buttons.

Naked + Calendar = Terrifying Nalendars

Just what I want on my wall to look at every single day:  naked clown nads.

For what is undoubtedly a worthy cause (fighting multiple sclerosis), the clowns of the Clown Conservatory, class of 2008, issued forth their "Naked Clown Calendar," thus reinforcing the primal terror that Stephen King tapped into with It (now being remade).  That there feller to the left is Mr. May.  I'd advise not clicking on the popup.  In this case, "smaller" is "better."

In art, there used to be a concept that was discussed, which was the difference between "naked" and "nude," and I think the clown calendar illustrates this nicely.  Nude - nobody minds looking at it.  Naked?  PLEASE put on your clown suit, or we'll just send you straight to the death chamber now before you advance to the inevitable serial murder and clown painting stage.

Everyone, it seems, at least in the western world, has gone to making naked calendars - either for charitable purposes or for "fun," as Der Spiegel puts it.  Meine augen!!!!!  Wo bist das lange Unterkleidung?

This is for a German University, to show students "in their natural environment."  Can't you tell?  It looks like der Staubli, whatever it is, is either butt-warmer or something ever so much larger and more personal.  No offense, she looks like a nice girl and all, but . . .

This is a whole website of it (note - many broken links).  They've spread faster than swine flu.

In fact, these naked fundraising calendars have become so common that now, the opposite trend has begun, with highly-clothed models - or lolcats.  I was going to say this is going to be one of my best posts ever, but since some of the sights I've seen not depicted here (believe it or not - Mr. May is far from the worst) are etched forever in my brain, I am not entire sure that it was worth it.

Problems With Bad Reviews?

Why, thank you for asking!  The answer to "Amy Sterling Casil - problems with bad reviews" is - "No."

Apparently (click to enlarge), Nancy Pelosi had issues with all of the Amazon one-star reviews of her recent book, and had them removed.  Lucky her, because I still have my white supremacist slag - and it will never go away.  Today, I consider it a badge of honor!

No, I can't say that I ever had a problem with bad reviews.  First, I haven't gotten very many, second, the ones I have received are perfectly legitimate criticism, and third - life's too short!  Regular readers are much, much, much more important than professional reviewers.

And as to "strange behavior," why, of course!  What else would I do? What other way might I behave?  Like all people who write about dads harvesting their cloned sons' livers are NORMAL?  People who write about real clown guys and wolf girls adopting little teddy bear boys are NORMAL?  The author of "Mad for the Mints" is normal?  Sorrr-eee.  Phutatorius tells me what to do every day, and you can betcha, I listen when that white horse starts talking.  Now, where did I put my wig?  . . .  Strange behavior - LOL!

Photo Mosaic Meme . . .

Like?

DIRECTIONS:
- Go to Google image search.
- Type in your answer to each question.
- Choose a picture from the first three pages.
- Use this website (http://bighugelabs.com/flickr/mosaic.php) to make your collage.
- Save the image for use in this note
- Post and tag all the friends you'd like to see photosaic's of

QUESTIONS:
1. What is your name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What is your hometown?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. What is your favorite movie?
6. What is your favorite drink?
7. What is your dream vacation?
8. What is your favorite dessert?
9. What is one word to describe yourself?
10. How are you feeling right now?
11. What do you love most in the world?
12. What do you want to be when you grow up?
13.what phrase do you live by?
14.what is your favorite band?
15.what is your favorite hobby?
16.what is your dream house?

Pictures of Lillie (No - Me and Meredith)

  Me and Meredith doing "Billy Idol."

Meredith and her friend Alex.

 

Meredith and Alex at the wholesome hookah bar.

Mister Skwirrell: Smash 'N Grab Seed Thief

I've been watching a fat reddish squirrel outside my balcony for the past several weeks.  He lives in the giant banana trees that are almost level with the balcony.  I've watched him many times as he scurried about, eating whatever seeds, nondeveloped banana spores, or whatever is in the pods in the bananas.  For sure they're either all male or all female and not fertilized, because there are no bunches of bananas, just these big pods.

Last month, our newsletter warned us not to feed the squirrels that would come on our balconies, because although they "looked cute," they had already shredded people's patio furniture.  "Ha ha," I thought.  "My patio furniture is all metal. There's nothing for the squirrels to shred!"

So, today was one of "those" days.  I didn't feel so hot this morning and I was poking around aimlessly.  Then, there was a loud, weird noise at my door and Badger started barking.  No sooner was this noise gone than I heard scrambling and scraping on the balcony.  I turned around and looked out and there he was sitting on the arm rest of one of my patio chairs.  Mister Skwirrell.  He looked at me with his shiny black eyes and I thought, "He's pretty bold!  I wonder what --"

Ka-blam!!  Mister Skwirrell leapt off the chair acrobatically and slapped the yellow enamel pitcher filled with sunflowers off its plant stand.  The pitcher crashed to the balcony and the water spilled out. 

Badger was cowering somewhere, unwilling even to enter the living room.  Mister Skwirrell chittered at me as if to say (like, I'm sure he WAS saying this in "skwirrell") - "Lazy stupid human!  I have the prize now!"

Demoralized and needing to leave for work, I just left.  No sooner had I closed my front door than I discovered some time during the night, the key had quit working.  After struggling fitfully for a few moments, with Badger ever-anxious to make a break for it, I just left, leaving the door unlocked. 

When I got back home tonight, the first thing I did was clean up Mister Skwirrell's mess, after making my key work, of course.  When things are like that, nothing's going to work right - I was thinking I needed a new key, I'd bent it, I needed WD-40, maybe that banging noise was some idiot trying to break in . . . no, I just needed to jiggle it a little and it was working again.  I picked up the pitcher and noted, after picking up the stalks, that Mister Skwirrell had used his time wisely and beheaded every sunflower.  He had then carried his prizes to beneath the other patio chair and obviously taken his time eating every single seed and strewing all the leavings everywhere.  It looked like crack 'n spit night at the truck stop under that chair.  Wisely, Skwirrell was hiding when I got out the broom. 

I'll get him next time.  Wait and see.