incipit vita nova

"Nobody Understands How I Feel"

"I want Caylee." 

That speaks for itself.

Here is a link to the Casey Anthony jailhouse conversation with her parents.  Sorry, I can't embed this video - it has too much AOL code.

I'm not very adept at dealing with something this blood-chilling.  There's no question that there are many facts about Caylee Anthony's disappearance and death that are known to Florida authorities, but not to the public.  However, a minute and a half video speaks thousands of words about what type of person little Caylee's mother Casey is, and how helpless her parents (or any other average person) would be in the face of this type of situation.

Nor am I an expert in how to determine when a person is lying, like Dr. Paul Ekman, who is the inspiration for the upcoming Fox TV series "Lie to Me." For a non-crime writer, I try to keep up with the stories and information that would strengthen my writing in general, about human nature and behavior.  As a person in the real world, a college teacher and nonprofit executive, I use my skills of observation and instinct and I am not very easy to fool.

But like most people who would never harm a child or even consider something like what has happened to Caylee Anthony, I can't really "understand."  I can't put myself in the shoes of a young woman who would be that inappropriate under the terrible circumstances of being jailed and accused of murdering her own precious two-year old girl.  And not just murdering, but doing it and getting away with it for two months while partying up a storm while my baby was rotting in a shallow grave in a shallow grave in the woods with a much-loved baby book.

Just watch the video.  It defines "inappropriate."  If I were that mother, I would have already killed myself in my jail cell.  And I do know what I am talking about.  I lost a baby to a negligent accident, and for a long time, the only thing that kept me alive was the thought that my daughter needed me and my faith in Christ.  No, I don't understand how Casey Anthony "feels."  I don't think any normal, average person ever can. 

 

Blood Runs Cold

Poor little Caylee Anthony has been on millions of people's minds ever since her disappearance, and hearts sank when her remains were found.

Today, a news article came out that Caylee's grandparents had visited her mother Casey Anthony in jail in Florida for the first time.

Most people are probably astonished that the mother, who is accused of murdering Caylee, told her parents that she was "as much a victim as anyone else" and became extremely angry when they questioned her, threatening never to speak to them again unless they stopped asking her uncomfortable questions about their granddaughter.  I hadn't followed the case extremely closely, but to my further horror, Casey's mother had "smelled a dead body" in her daughter's car after Caylee's disappearance, and called police about it, later to second-guess what she had smelled and thought.

Even the man who discovered Caylee's remains had apparently suspected this location before, and had called police several times to report his suspicions.  One hopes that he was not involved, just someone who wanted to find the child and was very persistent suspecting the area in the woods where her tiny skeleton was found.

Nothing Casey Anthony says surprises me a bit.  I've been a member of a support group for "second wives" of men (this includes grandmothers, aunts, and estranged mothers as well) of parents who have lost children due to Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) for several months.  The stories run the gamut from "still ongoing alienation" to kidnapping, physical abuse, and today, a grandmother warned another grandmother that she must be very concerned for her four-year old grandson, as her own daughter had pursued a similar alienation tactic, and she and her boyfriend had alienated, kidnapped, abused and murdered her own grandchild. The stories are numbingly familiar.  Nearly all of the children involved in these situations are in some type of psychiatric treatment, are experiencing severe emotional problems, or they have already acted out, injuring siblings, relatives or friends - or worse (Dr. Rick Lohstroh). There is only a tiny step from people who are willing to use their children as cudgels and weapons in divorce battles and adult conflicts to someone like Casey Anthony.  The first words out of any of these abusers' mouths are always that they are victims, just as Casey Anthony told her parents when they questioned her about their grandchild, her own daughter. 

Every time these situations are discussed in one of my classes, someone always suggests that people should have a "license to parent."  As for Casey Anthony and the others like her -- they make my blood run cold.  I do know they have the death penalty in Florida.  That's one thing this woman will fear.  And I'm sure she'll stop at no length to defend herself, blame others, and we'll know the real truth when she blames her tiny, vulnerable, precious little girl that she so callously murdered and dumped in the woods while she partied for two months.  They should make her hold Caylee's skull while she receives the death penalty.

Copan, Tikal, Uxmal, Palenque

"Heart of Jade," which originally appeared in Black Gate Magazine, was one of the first thoughtful fantasy stories I ever wrote.  At some point around about those days (2000) or so, I had realized that there was a very different "feel" between SF and horror - certainly.  I had realized that even among all the common elements of the various forms of the fantastic, when writing them, it was a different form of music.  Like the difference between swing and bebop. 

Writing "Heart of Jade" was like taking a trip to Campeche or Yucatan (a link to a tour of the Mayan nation - called "Expedition of Jade") in more ways than one.  I recently re-prepared the story for Book View Cafe, and it has been enough time that it read completely "fresh" to me.  I remembered that the main character's name was Two Frog and the general setup and some of the language.  But of the details of the story - well.  That was a very different matter.

I realized that in writing a story for the entertainment of fantasy readers, I had actually infused it with some of my thoughts over a long period of time about something that I greatly value and respect:  the Maya civilization.  In a way, the story is meant to be about the collapse of the classic Mayan cities.  The ending clearly indicates that my thinking is, without the careful study of an anthropologist, just instinct and common sense, that the Maya did not "fall," they changed.  For today, there are millions of Maya and their culture and heritage is very much alive and thriving.

Behind the human story, "Heart of Jade" features a conflict between the wise and fair Gods of Xibalba and the Jaguar Lord of Souls, who exists only to trap human souls in his evil web of deceit and cruelty.  I didn't know at the time I wrote the story that Mexican scientists would rediscover the ancient portal to Xibalba.  Nor did I know that Mel Gibson would make Apocalypto.  This is a picture of the road to Palenque.

After the fall of Copan came Tikal, Uxman, Palenque.  The old places forgotten and new life arisen.  Deep in the heart of the Guatemalan jungle, there still beats a proud heart of jade.

Groundhog Day for Israel

Novelist Thane Rosenbaum wrote an opinion piece in the Jerusalem Post today about the current situation regarding Israel.  The piece is full of hurt and outrage at the generally crappy, unapologetically racist treatment of Israel in much of the worldwide media.  Ignorant youth are easily coopted by facebook notes to condemn "genocide" of Israelis toward Palestinians.  They look at pictures of hook-nosed, bug-eyed, thick-lipped Jews drinking German Palestinian baby blood and don't even have the historical knowledge or sense to know that radical Islamic groups copied this material from Hitler's propaganda (this is a link to "Fourth Reich Israel" - and it's serious).  It has extremely nasty verbal and visual content, very Nazi-like in nature and yet it is written today, updated, and obviously read by eager consumers.  You will find ugly, nasty cartoons, coupled with pictures of injured Palestinian children, under a post named "Do you prefer your baby-killer coffee dark roast or regular?"  Young Americans may want to rethink forwarding facebook messages or joining groups because the "babykillers" in this case aren't "Jews" they are what this website identifies as "zionists" (an important distinction, apparently - thus creating a fine point of "racist" v. "not-racist") - McDonalds and Starbucks, and in the text, Adam Sandler (yes, Adam is ethnically Jewish) and Disney.  Very funny considering the reports that Walt Disney was potentially anti-Semitic.  Everyone is also urged to boycott Coke, Pepsi, Pizza Hut, KFC and Chilis for general purpose of being dickwads.  If you are NOT a Hamas member, they will come for you eventually.  What part of this is so hard to understand?  What part of Hitler took all of Germany, most of Russia and pretty much all of Europe down with the dirty dead Jews?  What part of "killer," "liar" and "hater" is so hard to get?  What part of the full name of Nazism was "National Socialism" doesn't get across?  How stupid are you to believe that Jews "created" the Holocaust, and that they "own everything" and that - as this website says - they gave information and help to Osama bin Laden!  OK, which is it?  Jews caused 9-11 obviously provable because "there were no Jews at work that day in the World Trade Center."  Tell that to Goldman-Sachs.  You would, I guess, if you are some ignorant student, not have enough Jewdar to know that "Goldman" and "Sachs" are Jewish surnames.  And you'd believe the propeller-brain lunatics that 9-11 was faked by Goldman Sachs AND they are also now responsible for the worldwide economic crisis.  And you should boycott Zionist McDonalds. 

 

Iranian students eagerly volunteer to be "suicide bombers" against Israel.  This idiotic behavior is lauded by the very people who discourage young Americans (or Israelis or any citizen in the Western world) from enlisting in legitimate military service.  The smart dude Ahmadinejad immediately issued a ban on this behavior, so really, all these young people are doing is signing up to be "suicide bombers" to feel good.  What they are really doing is supporting a hatefest of lies, deception and yes - GENOCIDAL TENDENCIES of people whose corrupt, violent, hateful behaviors are supported in the name of a peaceful, legitimate religion (Islam), and of multigenerational poverty that no one in power in the Arab world wants to go away, because then they would lose their ready-made poster children to distract their own people from their own problems, from their own needs, and from important work that they could be doing to better themselves and their own nations and cities.

Like, oh, say - building schools, universities, factories, starting industries of interest and benefit, or promoting culture and artistic activities.  Maybe the Arab world could take the forefront again in math, as was once the case, or poetry and philosophy could flourish.

But no.  They would rather lie to the world in service of hatred, racism, brutality and genocide, with information literally copied from Adolf Hitler.  And continue to steal, force families into poverty and disease, and blame the people they want to kill in the process.

It's just like PAS - only on a national scale, with terrorist organizations doing it.  What I want to say to Shane Rosenbaum is that I understand his hurt and outrage.  I know intimately what it feels like to be accused of not only something I did not do - but to be dragged through the mud via propaganda attempts, along with my innocent children - one of whom died as a result of the underlying abusive dysfunction - by a lying, thieving, conniving, narcissistic criminal beast.

Islam is not Christianity.  There are many differing beliefs.  So, as we remove "In God We Trust" from our money, and prayer from our schools - and the Ten Commandments common to Judaism, Christianity and Islam from our courthouses and other places of law-enforcement, we may then substitute the "freedom fighters" whose values include sending out women and young teenagers with Down Syndrome to kill women, children and elderly with suicide bombs strapped to their bodies.  We may then accept people who promote hatred in the name of their religion, who find it acceptable, and even believe they will go to heaven for crashing a plane into a big building that had a little two-year old girl aboard, or that it's a "rewardable" Jihad activity to slit a young woman's throat in front of such a child. 

The Communist movement used to have a name for people who'd believe the stupid crap they would make up to serve their purposes:  useful idiots.  If that is not the literal definition of these suicide bombers or those who carry out jihadist causes, I don't know what is.  And everyone who is facebooking this crap when they don't even care enough to do anything to solve the problem but promote the death of Israelis who - guess what?  Are not all Jews.  So there you go with your anti-Semitism, anti-Zionists.  Hitler rounded up the mentally-disabled, the mentally-ill, Gypsies and gay people too in addition to Christian political opponents.  And he's your hero, you use his words and artwork - so why not embrace it fully.  But then Hitler, as was proven after his suicide in the bunker, was a pretty bad liar.  And mass-murderer, and cheat.

Check out the star on this attractive "Zionist" gentleman with his axe holding the severed Arab arm.  They just forgot to color it yellow and fill it in.

Number Six, Goodbye (Or is it - Number One?)

According to John DeNardo at SF Signal, Patrick McGoohan died today at age 80. As I commented over there, I had just found a few Prisoner fans through Facebook and otherwise on the internet.  I don't know what to say, except I want to somehow communicate that if I missed Nurse Chapel (Majel Barrett Roddenberry) before and felt a sense of an era passing with her recent death, I really hear the chimes at midnight, Master Shallow, now.

John wrote a really good brief biography of Patrick McGoohan for AMC.  As I commented, I loved the Prisoner show and I even knew most of the tune of "Secret Agent Man," but I never knew much about Patrick McGoohan, the person.            

 You could just tell watching him as a performer that he was extremely intelligent and that there was a lot to the man.  A lot going on; man of few words.

In keeping with my shallow nature, one of the main attractions for me with the Prisoner was, believe it or not, the Prisoner "look" - i.e. the ultrahip 60's clothing, the "Village" (which is not hip, but it was unique) and then, in a less-shallow form of interest and attraction, in descending order:  the mystery/suspense of the show, "Rover" (the big smothering balloon guardian), my favorite Number Twos - here depicted with Mr. McGoohan on the left, is Leo McKern, my Numb er One (don't take that literally) favorite, making a futile phone call to save his own sorry-ass Number Two skin. Oh! And KAR120C - which I have just now learned was not, as I always thought, a Lotus Super Seven, but rather, a Standard Lotus Seven.  But still - it was a Loti.

The Guardian covers the nature of The Prisoner very well in its remembrance.  I just don't know what to say.  The internet material mostly covers The Prisoner in excruciating detail (and I do know it wasn't a show that McGoohan took all that seriously).  The man, I think, was a far different matter, and someone very special and very creative.  Now, mark me - because I won't say this very often about anybody, and I would never say this with no respect to a gentleman who leaves behind a loving family and many friends.  To me, Patrick McGoohan was one of the best-looking guys ever - it was his presence and body language as much as anything else.  Now, he was basically twice my age so I just mean this as somebody watching a show and thinking he's portraying a masculine, appealing character.  Yes, The Prisoner was "quirky" and so was Patrick McGoohan and many of the characters he portrayed (as well as "classic" action heroes - Secret Agent Man, Disney movies of the 60's and 70's) were also quirky, unusual, or less-than-sympathetic.  Whether he did The Prisoner as a lark, to break free of the traditional, sort of dopey "Secret Agent Man" plots and scenarios, to film in color - or as a creative masterpiece - that is what he ended up with.  As several writers of obituaries and remembrances have noted, he is a "free man now."

So - Be seeing you. 

Kidney-mony

Perceptive readers and viewers correctly determined that Dawnell Batista did not ONLY have kidney transplant surgery while married to Richard Batista, with whom she is now bitterly divorcing, with the main organ of contention being Richard's former kidney, which is now residing in Dawnell's body.  Dawnell has most certainly had rhinoplasty and looks to have had other artificial assistance, at least judging by the couple's wedding picture.

Knowing nothing but the news reports of the couple's controversial situation, the issue is certainly colored by the fact that Dawnell's kidney failed for the third time while she was pregnant with her youngest child, age 8, and that Dr. Batista donated his kidney to her at that time.  So Dawnell did not receive a kidney just for "general purpose" as early news reports indicated, but rather was in a life-threatening situation for both herself and their baby - who is now eight years old.

Now, she is divorcing Dr. Batista, and he is making charges of adultery against her, and he wants the kidney back, I believe - and/or $1.5 million. 

I'm sure these two have great promise to effectively co-parent their three children - ages 8, 11 and 14.  Right.  Dawnell will certainly have feminist assistance should she choose to coach her children to accuse their father of abuse.  Dr. Batista seems to be doing fine on his own in his efforts to wreak revenge on his estranged wife by painting her as a kidney-stealing slut in the national media.  Talk about a great genetic heritage.

More Pop for Your Undie Dollar

I freely admit that Wallet Pop is one of the most-common websites that I read.  I don't watch the Dolans, but I do sort of wonder and marvel at what seems to be going on with them (not that they don't have good advice - if you're a financial novice, they're a good resource). 

So the ever-popular customer service horror stories caught my eye today.  They recycle these puppies, and I think most were drawn from contests or promotions on AOL.  No matter.  It's like "Dear Abby" for getting screwed while attempting to be a consumer.  One person was confronted with a teenaged clerk at FYE wearing a hat that said "F-You" and when they asked for "Hootie and the Blowfish," the clerk asked, "Are you a fag or something?"  Amid the many "bests" (from Nordstrom employees contributing $500 worth of basics to a family whose home had burned down to a Sears employee tracking down and getting hold of a Land's End coat for a traveler) were the usual nastygrams that probably drive middle and upper management at these companies out of their minds. 

I was particularly taken by the Victoria's Secret tale, because a similar incident occurred when I was shopping with my best friend.  When I was younger and Victoria's Secret had just started to become popular, I found that their undergarments weren't the best-fitting or flattering for me.  Early Victoria's Secret seemed designed for the typical "pear shape" figure - now there are options for all figure types. They have changed their lines and their offerings over the years, and now, my favorites are pretty much all that I wear.  This does not make me feel better to know that it's the same damn company that is dressing all of us from head to toe - "The Limited."  And to think I used to like their jeans.  I will purposely buy Levis so I don't have to be dressed 100% by this megalopalyptic clothing Leviathan.

Anyway, you know where I'm going with this, right?  I get daily websearch hits from people asking, I kid you not, if "only good-looking people can wear Abercrombie & Fitch" (also part of the octopod monolithic "I Dress You, Zombi American' conglomerate). 

That's right, Virginia.  Victoria's Secret does NOT have a line for larger customers.  I naively dragged my friend into one of their stores in the blithely mistaken knowledge that they would have her size.  They did not - and in our case, the manager was courteous enough to simply state the sizes they did have without making any type of negative weight statements.  The true customer service horror story arose from a customer who stated she was overweight going to a different Victoria's Secret, where the manager informed her, "if you'd lose some weight, you might be able to fit our sizes."  Considering the number of years this company has been shutting larger consumers out, I don't think they'd have much success if they did decide - in today's economy - that they could no longer afford to only dress a certain portion of the population.

This is coming from the perspective - everyone pretty much needs to wear underwear, and they need to buy it.  Shoes, socks, undergarments.  These are the - not to put too fine a point on it - FOUNDATION of fashion.  I'm sure Victoria's Secret has its rationale for only offering a narrow range of sizes plus thong floss.  But my recommendation in today's economic times, for females and males?  Land's End.  Your best money will always be spent on quality products that will last.  It is better to pay a few dollars more on a product that will last two to three years (or longer, in the case of good shoes, coats, etc.) than it is to get those 99 cent floss panties out of the Victoria's Secret (or worse - discount store) bin.  Anyway, I haven't shopped there since before Christmas.  So, they started the new year out with awesome swimwear items like this:

 Referred to by Sarah at "In the Trenches of Mommyhood" as the "attacked by a shark" swimsuit.  One of the others, with a minimal boob strip and chain thong bottom, Sarah said would be a "perfect pregnancy suit."  Yeah - for any of those naked, barefoot, pregnant moms-to-be out there to wear while hubby whacks them with his club and drags them by their hair back to their PETA/GEICO caveman cave (see yesterday's post).

At least online, Victoria's Secret DOES seem to carry sizes up to 40 DD.

Check this out - these stories are everywhere!  "Go to a Lane Bryant store!"  Another customer was told her underwire popped out because her bra was too small!  Now, this has happened to me before, but not with a Victoria's Secret bra, which is why I have tended to buy my favorites there.  This post is bizarrely suspect (as the writer seems to be indicating an anatomically impossible size if she's positing she's not a "large" person) - but it describes the size situation in more detail.  And this post is a "booster" recommending different alternatives.  And here, from the ladies in Glendale, is a pretty accurate description of most of the mall Victoria's Secret outlets - not very helpful, some condescending clerks, and "ferret through the drawers" until you find your size.  I also know the exact bras this blogger was looking at when she had her disturbing IQ test conversation with the VS clerk.  And honey - a hint - if you wear a "30" B - you don't need a bra, you need a camisole and probably a depilatory for the peach fuzz on your chin because you're probably a boy - the smallest size they and most other adult manufacturers carry on their official size chart is "32." 

Anyway, it's not super-sexy, but it is well-made, well-priced, and it won't fall apart after one washing (in or out of a lingerie net bag).  Land's End underwear.  Because only mentally-ill people should want floss that falls apart in their . . . er . . . Now, that's uncomfortable.

The Future of Animals

I think that people's attitudes toward animals are changing, and this is a good thing.  While I do not ascribe to the extreme (some might say "bizarre") views of Peter Singer - which include, basically, indicating that chickens should vote and advocating via advanced logical structures that those of us in developed nations should crack off 25% of our respective GDPs to support those in developing nations - Singer introducted a concept in the 1960's called "speciesism" to indicate that humans ought not approach their interactions with other living species from a biased, species-oriented viewpoint.

Here we have some PETA advocates, dressing as "cavemen" to protest the brutal treatment of rabbits raised for fur in Australia.  This picture immediately reminded me of the cruel bias against the GEICO cavemen.  According to a recent LA Times blog, "everybody hates PETA."

Probably because their point of view is divergent from most others, and because they do gross and disgusting things (this caveman picture indicates the better sort of PETA attention-getting behavior).

Which brings up the question of priorities, attitudes, and the situation of animals in the real world.  In the recent California election, an animal-rights proposition passed easily, setting standards for factory farming in the state.  This was not an extreme proposition, but people have been made aware of the inhumane, unhealthy and unsanitary practices that are all-too-often conducted at commercial production farms.  Eggs don't taste very good when you know they've been forced out of a chicken who cannot even move her legs and whose beak may have been cut off for "safety" reasons.  Milk should sour, when you realize that at some dairies, milking machines, budget concerns, and tight production schedules mean that the cow blood and body fluids could be all through that glass of moo.  Burgers should inspire "food for thought" when one realizes that the consolidation of meat packing and production in the U.S. has caused both an influx of "illegal" labor that cannot read safety instructions or procedures for sanitary operation.  As covered in Fast Food Nation, these common practices have resulted in breakouts of deadly E. coli infections, feces in ground beef and a high rate of injury among these poorly-paid, trained and treated workers.  All so you can have "cheap meat" - that is worth the price?  It's up to each individual.

As someone who is more Audubon Society and Sierra Club than PETA, I do consider myself an animal lover.  I have many friends who are vegan or vegetarian.  I also understand the instinctive negative reaction to proposed products like cloned meat and milk.  I am not comprehending how this process would "save" animal lives; beef must still be "raised" and the animal will be alive, whether it is born through the traditional (if one knows about current methods of cattle husbandry - "cloning" is actually more palatable than some of the stuff they do) method or a clone.  Milk still will come out of the cow, as a physical product.  Big vats of "protein" that grow mindlessly, as in our sci-fi concepts -- this is what most people think of when they hear "cloned meat and milk."

And on the other side, there are the truly endangered species.  Recent experience with establishment of open space preserves, or truly significant tracts of land such as the California Condor Reserve in the Sespe National Wilderness, shows that species can and will rebuild themselves if they are given a chance.  Human action still threatens wild species, in obvious and not-so-obvious ways.  A drive is currently underway to ban lead ammunition in wild areas - primarily because it kills Condors - a species that actually became extinct in the wild, and which has been reintroduced, so that there is a current population of about 270 birds, derived from the initial group that were bred in captivity as a last-ditch effort to save the species.

Most people really do not care about wild animals, and can only be convinced to care about humane treatment of livestock or pets through consistent education efforts.  However, these attitudes may be changing - and a good example is the success that the banning of lead ammunition is having - it is likely to pass.  Nobody has to hunt with lead ammo, and I think even Ted Nugent would agree with me, because these birds are dying from eating lead-shot game that the hunters have just left in the wild to rot (Condors are carrion birds).  A solution would be to use less-poisonous ammo - or better yet - if you are hunting, take the game and at least have the decency to eat what you kill (as Ted says).  If you ate it, then you could remove the shot so YOU would not be poisoned, and this would also solve the problem for the birds (and other animals). 

It had been years since I had seen a big animal in the wild, and in the last five years, I have seen a mountain lion, a bobcat, many large birds - eagles, hawks, falcons, and even a condor.  I have seen numerous deer, and many smaller examples of wildlife.  I practice low-impact hiking and camping - I think everyone should learn the basic principles.  We live in a complex, interwoven web of life on this planet, which is the point that environmentalists and conservationists have been trying to make since John Muir first introduced these concepts.  If we are not hungry at the time - what is the point of killing an animal, just to leave their carcass to rot?  So, maybe that is the first point that everyone can agree on.  If you fish, but not for the purpose of eating the fish you catch, then the catch-and-release fishermen have the right idea.  If you hunt for recreation, kill only what you can and will eat, and do not kill pregnant, juvenile or breeding animals. 

I often recall the story of Easter Island, which was deforested, leading to the eventual starvation and near-destruction of the people who lived there.  What did the guy that cut down the last tree on that island think he was doing?  Having a nice fire, doing what he felt like doing.  So therefore, there were no more canoes, the soil washed away, and they got to sit on their eroding rock and starve, eventually cannibalizing each other (evidence of cannibalism has been found). 

I hope the future of animal species is one that will allow them to not just survive, but to flourish.  Without them, it will not just be a deadly-dull, ugly Soylent Green world, it could be very much more Harry Harrison - "Make Room! Make Room!"  This is the thing with PETA.  Humans are animals too.  Animals have varying behavior that all fits in the scheme of things.  Humans - at least in the larger evolutionary scheme, seem to have been omnivorous scavengers.  So, we do not have to have the total protein diet of a large carnivore.  We do not have to have the heavy roughage diet of a herbivore with three stomachs.  We do not have to have stones in our craw to grind up grain.  But we also don't have to kill like insane criminals and leave the carcasses to rot.

Patrick Swayze's Fight: I'm Praying and Hoping For Him

My best friend Cathy was always more of a Patrick Swayze fan than I was.  It wasn't that I didn't think Patrick was a talented actor and a fantastic dancer - of course I did and do.  She just really liked him!  Patrick was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer right as I was writing one of the most difficult book projects I've ever undertaken (that's Amazon Canada - the book isn't quite out yet - but it looks like it's pre-selling a lot).

I had no idea how heart-wrenching writing a book about pancreatic cancer would be, as I started.  My mother died of pancreatic cancer at age 40 when I was 3 months old. I learned from my brother a couple of years ago that the information I had been given by my grandmother wasn't accurate.  My mother had been diagnosed with the cancer and receiving treatments for at least two years before she became pregnant with me.  Upon learning she was pregnant, she stopped chemotherapy and radiation treatments and continued with the pregnancy - I was born three months prematurely as well.  So, she didn't "get" cancer while pregnant, she sacrificed her life for mine.  I know that's a choice I would make myself, or would have made, if such a situation had arisen, but it still makes me - well, it's difficult to express such deep emotions.  I am now six years older than she was when she died.

I knew that Patrick Swayze had a tremendous challenge when he was diagnosed with Stage IV pancreatic cancer.  Pancreatic cancer continues to receive a smaller amount of funding than other cancers (notably, prostate, colon and breast cancer).  The unique nature of the disease (although precursors are known - smoking, dietary habits, and heredity play a role) - it is so difficult to combat, primarily because it is often advanced when discovered, has probably caused some of the de-emphasis on research into prevention and cure or treatment.  It's worth noting that another well-known person, Steve Jobs, was also diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and is a survivor.  Steve had the less-common and more curable form of pancreatic cancer - as opposed to adenocarcinoma, the more common, aggressive and deadly form that Patrick Swayze and my mother had and have.

Last week, I saw an ad for a new show called The Beast on A & E starring Patrick.  He looked fantastic, and it was obviously an action show.  I was so excited.  I heard and saw all of the dire tabloid predictions - Patrick was at death's door, he was saying goodbye to his family and friends, he was down to 80 pounds and had given up, bleh bleh bleh.

Now, this morning, Jillian, Dorothy and Steve had a feature on Patrick and his interview this evening with Barbara Walters.  Patrick looked fantastic, and he was full of passion and fire and life.  He is anything but "dead."  After making his feelings very clear, he told Barbara, "Hope is a very, very fragile thing in anyone's life, and the people I love do not need to have that hope robbed from them, when it's unjustified and it's untrue."

Just now, searching on pancreatic cancer and Patrick Swayze, there are dozens of negative articles - some even sounding like they hope that he will die, and as gruesomely as possible.  I don't know what to say about that, except to say that I had tears in my eyes as I saw him this morning being interviewed by Barbara Walters.  He has only missed a day and a half of work during this whole period he's been fighting the cancer.  I know that during my writing of the pancreatic cancer book, I was following the story of Dr. Dennis Lee, who founded MedicineNet and who had been unexpectedly diagnosed with a similar stage of pancreatic cancer to Patrick Swayze.  Dr. Lee was writing inspirational messages on MedicineNet and discussing his treatment - and by the time I was finishing page proofs, Dr. Lee had died. 

I think that - looking back at all of it - of course I am praying for Patrick Swayze and his family.  But the measure of our lives is how we live them, and how we leave them.  No matter what happens, Patrick Swayze has made it clear he's going to live his life to the fullest, with hope and joy and a love of life.  And that's really all that any of us can do.

Public Skank

Jessica Pressler featured the "Liskula Cohen is a Skank" story on the NY Mag blog.  If you want to see the original lawsuit inspiring anonymous blogger blog, it's linked-to from that story.  It's a super cheesy stalking insult blog, and it's hard to say whether a scorned straight guy, scorned gay guy, or other female did it.  Whoever it is, is someone jealous of the gentleman in the, as Jessica put it, no-less-compromising than the average college freshman's facebook pictures party pix.  Jessica's point is that Liskula made it worse for herself by suing blogger and drawing attention to herself.  This is probably true.  I hope this is another bit of evidence of the "credibility" of blogger and a goodly number of its users.  It's free, lets people do whatever they want anonymously, so therefore is obviously the home of choice for people like Liskula's WHATEVER that did this b.s. and of course, my faithful friend the Most Famous Science Fiction Writer in the World.  That crap really will still be there when cockroaches take over the streets.  And Jessica's right:  BFD.